hello delicate flowers,

I hope this finds you resting and cool and maybe concerned about climate change / ~adaptation~. This urban heat situation is brutal. listen to Kebar’s episode to hear more of my thoughts on this 😉 My current favorite solution is cold afternoon bevs :) andrea makes the best ones but I try my best. Specifically love a fruity x green tea, hibiscus, thai iced tea, lemonade.

anyways, this is my second week in the hospital! Holy shit. Maybe you’re like ??? megs what’s up??? So fair. 

July 1-august 23 medicine clerkship // 4 wks at NYP in UES, 4 wks at MSK cancer center

August 26-September 20 lab rotation with Xavier lab!!

September 23-october 18 obgyn // brooklyn methodist

October 21-november 15 “ambulatory” ie primary care // location ??

November 18-december 13 ??? hopefully the addiction medicine elective + study for step1 (again), maybe 2wk addiction med elective + 2wk medical ethics ymaybe 4 wks public health research

January 1, 2025 – PhD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Though it promises to be intense, I am actually excited for a lot of what the next 6 month with hold. The time away / off has helped me make space for curiosity and excitement about my studies to be a medical doctor (thank the goddess) and I think the schedule I have facilitates my learning in a way that invigorates me. I am, however, terrified at the prospect of reentering what is fundamentally an abusive situation.

This break has been very intentional for me. Though it promises to be intense, I am actually excited for a lot of what the next 6 month with hold. The time away / off has helped me make space for curiosity and excitement about my studies to be a medical doctor (thank the goddess) and I think the schedule I have facilitates my learning in a way that invigorates me. I am, however, terrified at the prospect of reentering what is fundamentally an abusive situation.

There has been resting, recharging, relaxing, reflecting (all R words??) and: preparation. In therapy, I expressed my anxiety in anticipation of returning to medical school / medicine / the machine because it is fundamentally an abusive situation so, my (amazing) therapist started going through “safety planning” with me. As she was going through it, she paused to make space for how much work I have done to create safety and security for myself as I enter a period that will almost definitely include triggers. I want to use the rest of this newsletter to talk about the plans and systems I have put in place to get through the next 6 months. Before I do, I want to thank my dear homie Javier who, when I told him about the situation, said sometimes you just have to learn into your support systems to get through hard times in The Machine (not verbatim but essentially).

In my work as an advocate and other spaces where people have to endure unhealthy and abusive realities (also spaces where there are a lot of MSWs…), we talk a lot about safety planning. Here are some definitions/quotes from national organizations that I think give a good overview:

All this to say, I have been unintentionally and intentionally planning and preparing:

So far, it is going well 🙂

None of this would be possible without all the work I have been doing over the last soo many years. I think it was Cait who first introduced the concept of “scaffolding” to me. Building up, piece by piece, as small pieces as you need. For example, if the goal is [self care: personal hygiene]: starting with brushing teeth once a day, then twice a day, then maybe adding flossing or adding washing your face to one of the teeth brushing times. Piece by piece. 

Another big example of scaffolding that facilitated me being able to write this plan is honestly soup sunday :) I started making soup once a week when I lived in Ireland because soup is one of my “safe foods” – things that are easy for me to eat no matter what my relationship with food is at the time. When we moved to NYC, I tried to make it every sunday/weekend, so that zidane and I could eat the leftovers for lunch during the first half of the week. I quickly learned that when I didn’t do this, it threw off my eating for the rest of the week – because I missed that first scaffolded level? from there we added these delicious korean beef bowls to our weekly meal rotation (can also be tofu #savetheplanet) + an unintentional weekly salmon night. all this to say, we built up!

I love the routines of my life and the stability they provide me. I am proud of myself for working to build them and continue to expand my daily practices. I am so grateful to Zidane for building with me <3

We are half way through the year and I want it known that I consumed 38 different soups in the first half of the year!!!! I made 24 by myself and a few with friends and purchased a few. Excited to continue. If you want to see all my spreadsheets, join us on patreon 🙂

thank y’all for the song suggestions for the playlists I sent last week <3

this week, zidane and I have been bumping some of their playlists from the past. we were literally listening to them and I was like “omg I feel like I am in new house rn”. the playlists are these! soooo good in a series. really emphasizes the importance of openings and closings.

new episode next week with my bestie, made of honor plant queen, maeve riney!!!!!!!! GET EXCITED!!!!! I think in the next newsletter I will also announce the theme for season 1!!

thank you for being my framily. take good care —

❤ meg